I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
as a side note pls kill me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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