im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
