Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize