apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
