Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
