mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
