I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
