I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
