My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
