I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm always down for nudity.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
