Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
