I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
