is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
