You can't motorboat a personality
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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