Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
