You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
