He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
