I think im going to throw up on grandma
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
