i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize