Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize