quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There's always time for handjobs
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
