i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
