don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
