He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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