the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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