The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize