Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
