she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
