Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
