The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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