and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize