well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't put those talents on a resume
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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