My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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