erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
