I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
