He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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