i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
