you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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