I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
