haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
