Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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