well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
