I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
