my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
