Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
