Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
