its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
