DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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