and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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