Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
