My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
