All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
