Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
