i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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