Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
