i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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