she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
