dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize