i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
