So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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