I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
